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My son came out to me and I'm upset, not with him - A Parent



Bear with me. Gonna be a long post but a needed one. My son just came out as gay. And I'm upset. Not with him.


He's the most amazing man I know. The definition of perfect. He's the most loving, caring, beautiful man I've ever known.


So what am I upset with?


I'm upset that he for the last 5 years have been going through silent depression (let me add that I'm upset with myself for not noticing) because he feared what people would think of him.


I'm upset that the society made him feel that he had to avoid to make friends so that they wouldn't notice that he was gay.


I'm upset that people (most time they might not think about it) put pressure by assuming others date opposite gender. Let's change that to "Do you have a partner?".


In many countries they have done this in healthcare by default. Never assume that because someone is married, it's to the opposite sex.


It won't harm anyone but it might save that person who's struggling... I'm upset that my son even feel a need to 'come out'... How many of the straight people come out to their parents?


I'm upset that my son now is fearing that his father (who left me pregnant but then when finding out it was a boy he wanted to be involved) will leave him and maybe even physically hurt him if/when he knows.


I'm upset that my son has to choose to pretend to be something he's not to keep his father in his life or be himself and tackle the unfair loss of a parent based on who he is. I'm upset that he is fearing that he will never be able to meet someone to love if he doesn't announce to the world which gender he's attracted to.


I'm upset that something that only affects HIM and no one else, is causing him so much fear and hardship JUST because of other people's judgements. Imagine, as a straight person, that someone tried to make you love the same gender. Imagine that just the feeling of you as a woman loving a man gave you severe anxiety. Not because you love a man. But because of what others will do and say.


So you stop loving. You stop showing the world who you are. You keep all that amazing stuff locked up.


The world loses a beautiful person. And a beautiful person loses the world. Let's consider that. And lastly... I know it sounds silly. But don't ask your kids "so when will I meet your girl/boyfriend" or "Do you have a girl/boyfriend?" Ask them about their partner. My son told me today that me asking just that (partner instead of girlfriend boyfriend) all throughout his young years was the light in his dark tunnel.


Why didn't he tell me when knowing I was open-minded you'd say.... He knew I would accept whoever he wanted to love. He just didn't want me to see him suffer because others wouldn't.


This is the amazing soul my son has. Today is a beautiful day. My tears are not because I grieve. My tears are of joy. Joy that my son now can be himself fully.


Because under my roof he can bloom. And when this flower is strong enough to tackle the weather outside, he's gonna thrive forever. To my son. I'm so proud of you. And I can't wait to see you find the love you deserve.


To admin: I would like for this post to actually be shared outside this group. Screenshot it and share allover the place please. Speak to friends and family about it. Why didn't I do a normal post and not anonymously? Because I cherish my son's privacy. Has nothing to do with shame. There's nothing to be ashamed of. He's my pride and joy. My everything. And the man who captures his heart is going to be a very lucky man!

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