What’s your favourite lesbian myth?
We’ve all encountered the idea of the lesbian stereotype: sad, bitter women who cannot get a man, thus becoming angry, overweight, man-hating feminists lacking any sense of humour. What they do in bed is one of the most pressing questions of our time (or so you would think, based on how often they are asked) and their lives are just shrouded in myths. Let’s have a look at some of those myths on the Lady-Liking Ladies.
"Lesbians move in on the second date"
This myth says that lesbian couples move in together after three weeks of dating. Three weeks, I scoffed, that long? Why, it took me less than a fortnight to install myself into my good lady’s apartment as a pretty permanent fixture. Perhaps my example doesn’t exactly bust that myth. Let’s move on.
Urge to merge, potentially become the same person - It is also widely believed that lesbians have an intrinsic “urge to merge”. This is when you spend all your time together and essentially become the same person - ordering the same food in the restaurant, brushing your teeth together and saying things like “we think that’s great” or “we don’t like it”. These couples start to look very much alike in no time, dressing in matching clothes, having similar hair-cuts and all the rest of it. It’s true that there was a point when my good lady and I lived together, worked together and spent pretty much every waking (and sleeping) moment together. It reached the stage when people started to mix us up. Finally, when they stopped asking “are you two sisters” and started asking “are you and your sister twins”, we realized it was time for a change. Change your hair-cut, I will change my hair colour, no we will not buy any more matching combat trousers and I will stop wearing so many of your clothes. Hang on, which ones were your clothes again? Right. I’m not liking this myth that much right now. There must be some that I can bust.
"Lesbian couples disappear from the scene" - Another myth is the eagerness with which lesbians throw themselves into relationships. Once two women get together, they no longer have any need to go out and party, but are perfectly content staying home and being all coupley, which is one of the reasons why (also) the gay scene is often heavily dominated by men. Lesbians only go out until they meet that special lady, then they stay home and cuddle. I would like to bust this myth. However, I am sitting on my couch with my wife, in my pyjamas at 9:30pm on Saturday night, wrapped up in a blanket, the cat purring softly on my lap (yes, of course we have a cat!). Moving on…
"Lesbians are tree-hugging, green-smoothie-drinking, earth-saving vegetarians"
I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.... Mainly because I am all of those things ;-)
"Thats not me, but you know what I mean"
"Actually, a lot of the myths about lesbians are centred around men. It’s funny, when you’re talking about women who like women, you would expect to leave men pretty much out of the equation. So all the myths that revolve around men are easily busted"
“Lesbians hate men!” - I can only speak for myself but I really don’t understand why not wanting to sleep with somebody would make me hate them. I am not sexually attracted to llamas either but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I hate them.
"Do you really want to hurt me?"
“Lesbians want to be men!”- Liking women does not make you want to be a man. Being transgender is a different thing altogether.
"Killing a bear is no behaviour of a gentleman"
“Lesbians just haven’t met the right man yet!” - It’s true, I haven’t met the right man, despite having met quite a few men in my life, because he doesn’t exist. However, I have met the right woman: problem solved.
“One lesbian is the man in the relationship!” - Both of us are women, thank you very much, that’s kind of the point.
"Meat Sandwich"... I'll pass and its not cause I'm a vegetarian and of course the all time favourite
“lesbians are just dying to have a man join them in bed, or at least watch us have sex” No, lesbians do not want to have a man “show them how it’s done”.
No, we don’t need “the meat in the sandwich”. Actually, maybe this is where the “man-hating” idea comes from – it’s probably fair to say that lesbians don’t usually like either penises or people who behave like one.
As much as I like to challenge stereotypes, it appears I have not been able to escape all of them. So maybe I am a "tree-hugging, cat-loving, U-hauling lesbian" I’m not representing the whole entire lesbian population though, this is just me. Nobody wants to be a walking stereotype, though sometimes (no matter how we want to deny it) stereotypes, myths, generalizations of any kind can contain a grain of truth. How about busting the myths by ignoring the stereotypes and prejudices about how you are supposed look, think and act, and just being yourself?
Right, myths busted, time for a nice cup of herbal tea…
Marjo Johanna Granat loves writing, travelling and writing about travelling - hence travel blogging. Other passions include coffee, vegetarian/vegan cooking (and eating!) and wine. Apart from writing, Marjo enjoys anything outdoorsy, be it hiking, rock-climbing or kayaking with her wife. At the moment she calls Malta home but she is always on the lookout for the next adventure.
Marjo also runs a bi-lingual blog in English and Finnish about her life in Malta as well as her travels: www.sillavalinmaailmalla.blogspot.com.